Archives for April 2019

Why is it that we want the exact thing we know we can’t have?

The second something falls out of reach, we do whatever we can to grab hold, even if we let it go in the first place… even if we didn’t acknowledge what we had in the moment… even if the idea is completely one sided, and maybe not even your own.

Longing, lust, craving, attraction, whatever you want to call it, it’s there & it is RELENTLESS.

Think about it, the second you want to stop a habit, almost automatically, you can’t stop thinking about doing that behavior.

The second you start a diet, almost like clockwork, you start to crave the food you “can’t have”.

You break up with someone and, what do ya know, they are the only person you want to talk to.

You’ve “hated” your job, but when you boss tells you “this is just not working out professionally”, you’d give your right arm to keep it.

I think you get my point.

So why are we like this?

Humans are fixers. For all my science-y people out there, just as the body wants homeostasis, humans want to keep the “status quo”. It’s our innate inclination towards a scarcity mindset. I’ll help you out a little here – the scarcity mindset is commonly described as the belief that everything is limited, so it is better to be selfish, just in case we can’t have said thing down the road. Simply put, we want to have our cake and eat it too, for fear that someone else might take that piece of cake before you can get to it.

I think back to being a kid at the dinner table, eyeing my sister’s slice of pizza, and comparing it to mine. The slice put in front of me was never enough, the one she got was obviously better, and I wanted it. So we switched… problem solved right? Sure… until I saw her enjoying it, and now, suddenly, I’m missing out on something good, I’m jealous, and I want it back. Sound familiar? Just maybe?

This is the same mindset that justifies infidelity, ends marriages, leads to hurt, heartbreak, guilt, self-loathing, and more generally, that feeling that your tires are spinning with absolutely no traction.

See, when we are constantly chasing what we can’t have instead of soaking up every ounce of the present moment, we forget that each moment/person/place/thing/experience is something to cherish. We forget that we are okay right where we are and that sometimes things are meant to be just out of our reach.

It’s hard to admit to ourselves that we can’t have it all. I’ll be the first to tell you that there are days I would rather try to convince myself the sky is green than to tell myself these truths; No one is going to be friends with every single person they meet; We can’t land every job we apply for; We can’t expect to find our Prince Charming with everyone we go on a date with; And guess what, maybe you do pick up that cookie after dinner even though you want that “dream bod”. We are not perfect, we are not meant to have everything we want, and life goes on.

Want is healthy, we SHOULD want things because it drives us to pursue more. However, selfishly longing over what you can’t have, and letting that overshadow your physical, mental and emotional manifestations, is only going to end up hurting yourself.

The last thing any of us want to do is look back at a time in our lives where we were so hung up on what we couldn’t have, that we neglected what was right in front of us all along.

I think the best way I’ve heard it said is like this – “Don’t let anyone or anything rent space in your head or your heart unless they are a good tenant.”

So it’s time to step up as the landlord. Maybe you need to evict a few tenants…maybe you need to do a few renovations to a unit left vacant. It’s your job to know every nook and cranny of the property, and keep it in tip top shape. You get to write the Terms & Conditions before allowing someone to move in. If you’re looking for your sign to take an audit of your own space, here you go!

I’m a human, I have my moments where I let things take up valuable space that I could definitely put to better use. I’m working on it, you can too. It’s called a practice, not a perfect…. just know you don’t have to waste any more time or energy waiting in the “want”.

Shop My Look:

Trench Coat (Option 1) | Trench Coat (Option 2) | Trench Coat (Option 3) | Sunglasses | Heels

So I was listening to a podcast, as I normally do on my morning runs with my dog, and a simple two words was enough to stop me in my tracks and rip my phone out of my arm band to make a note.

“Always more.”

I’ll preface this with, I’m a firm believer that you come across messages that you need in your life. Whether that be a phrase, a song, something your friend told you, a random tchotchke you saw at Home Goods (you catch my drift). Sure, not all of these things have some divine meaning, and you can’t just go searching for a meaning in these things. But, when something really resonates with you, it’s almost as if it placed there just for you.

This was one of these moments for me and I wanted to share it with you because I feel like a lot of us fall into the trap of wanting “more”.

When we start getting comfortable with the life we have created, some part of us craves growth, craves, change, craves more. This is normal. After all, if we all stayed where we were comfortable, it would be hard for us to learn and experience the richness of life. In all fairness, for some people, comfort is what they need to function in a healthy way. But as humans, we naturally go through seasons, just like nature. No two summers have the exact same temperatures, or storms, or events, & no two weeks, months, years of our lives 100% replicate each other either. What a blessing, because, wow– there are some moments in my life, I would never want to relive. It’s necessary to embrace these seasons, just as necessary as it is to let go of them and start a new one. Simply put– there is “ALWAYS MORE.”

From a faith standpoint, we know that the present world and everything in it passing away, but there is “ALWAYS MORE” to look forward to in heaven (Matthew 6:19-21). I can’t go much further in this post without crediting Audrey Roloff (if you aren’t familiar with her, I highly encourage you to go check out her story). “Always more”, her mantra, is based on the verse in Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine…”

I can only speak for myself, but when I heard this I felt so much peace. It just made sense. When we believe in the “more” we see a glimpse of who we are made to be.

When you’re finishing that last five minutes of your workout and you feel like you just want to quit, there is always just that little bit more strength we can give to power through it.

When we are stuck in traffic after a long day at work, and it seems like that one person who cut you off just has it out for you, these words “always more” remind us that there is always more to that person’s story than we will ever know.

When we get to ride with the windows down on a gorgeous spring day, and it seems like life just can’t get any better, we are promised that God will always fill us with even more joy than our best moments.

I’ll take just one more quote from Audrey Roloff that just about sums it up…

“There is ALWAYS MORE to look forward to, MORE than meets the eye, MORE to someone’s story, MORE to be thankful for, MORE to give, MORE to unearth, MORE to learn, MORE fun to be had, MORE blessings to receive, MORE fruit to bear, MORE growth in faith, MORE peace to experience, MORE mercy to grant, MORE wisdom to gain, and MORE reason to love.”

When we live in the “more”, we become more. More than we can ever imagine. Don’t settle with what’s good, good isn’t good enough. Challenge yourself…ask yourself, “Do I want more?”