More than Meg

Your Past, Defined.

past (adj) gone by in time and no longer existing.

It a bittersweet reality, that each one of us have a past. Whether that be good, bad, traumatic, blessed, complicated, or otherwise, we each have one.

Some of us are ashamed of our past, some of us want to bury it, black it out, forget it ever happened — it’s simply too heavy to cary under the weight of our obligations, pressures, and stressors in our current reality.

On the other hand, some of us cling to our past, put it on a pedestal — it’s the unachievable, nostalgia we long to have back.

Somewhere down the line, we stop assessing our past by what happened to how it happened to us. As if we have no active role in the equation anymore.

The question turns from an introspective, “how do I define my past?”, into an external facing, “how does my past define me?”.

When do we let the things that happen to us start defining who we are rather than taking ownership and control of the perspective?

Want to know a secret? Lean in close…there are a few things you need to know.

Your past does not define you.

That regret, shame, disappointment, or pride that shadows your memories, is not who you are. Sure, you walked that road and experienced first hand the moments and circumstances more intimately than anyone else on this earth, but in this current moment — right now — you have a choice. You can hold on to the past or use the experiences as lessons for personal growth.

Hold on to it and you are stuck recalling negative memories, without learning from them.

OR

Lean in to it and gain perspective that shapes your character and is reflected in the person you are becoming.

Your past does not need justification.

You are the only one that will have experienced your truth.

Your first hand account of what happened, or what you felt from your perspective, is yours — no justification necessary.

I find myself getting defensive over things that have hurt me or that I am invested in, emotionally or otherwise. I think this comes up a lot when we look back on our past and, more specifically, when we own our past.

Although the outside world can’t see it, the moments we have let define a spot in our lives carry weight and tremendous value in some way. Quite frankly, others may never understand the impact or meaning it had and could be quick to assess it without knowing the full picture or context, but that doesn’t mean we need to guard it with our lives and defend it through excuses, leveling, or justification.

Thinking you have to provide justification for your first-hand experiences is living in fear or letting your past define you, fear of judgement. In reality, the past you carry with you doesn’t need justification. If you feel like you need to justify it to others, you may have to take a good look at who you are surrounding yourself by. The people who you choose to share your life with should be the same people who accept you for who you are fully and completely, in the present moment, in what’s to come, and for everything that you’ve been through before now.

Your past is the past, treat it as such.

Don’t beat a dead horse. Truly. I think this cliché applies here, don’t you?

We can get so hung up on things that have happened to us. I know for me, I will be out and about, going on with my day and suddenly a memory from 5 years ago pops into my head. Suddenly, mu thoughts are consumed with “what if” questions and a detailed analysis of everything, looking for an alternate solution or something I could have done differently.

Hello, over-thinkers anonymous, I would personally like to introduce myself. — Hi, I’m Megan.

*collective response* : “Hi Megan.”

You don’t even need to be an over thinker to have this experience. So many of us carry the past into the present. We let it hold us back or tie us down to what we knew, rather than exploring and growing into who we are becoming.

The past serves a purpose, but at some point we must let that purpose be the past, go to where we are being called, and be where we are now.

It’s okay to let go. It’s okay to feel pain, anxiety, bittersweet, joy or happiness when letting go. Let the past be the past, be present in that decision.

Now be present in your life.

SHOP THIS LOOK

Questions You Should Be Asking Yourself

Have you ever just been with yourself? No, I mean it… like really sat down and been with yourself — away from people, music, TV, books, and the rest of life’s distractions.

If you have, awesome. You’ll understand when I say it’s pretty freakin’ hard! If not… well, let me paint a picture for you. You’re alone, in silence, with nothing else to dictate where your mind is going. Your mind — which is routinely trapped in a tangled web of stress, thoughts, to-do lists, conversations, expectations, relationships, etc. — has free will to go wherever it wants…. woah, wait. Hold up. WHEREVER?

When the rest of the world shuts off, suddenly the “escape route” disappears, and gets replaced by an infinite space — population: you.

For a lot of people, just the thought of being alone has the power to make skin crawl. Understandably so, an anxious mind forced to rest is incredibly uncomfortable. Fears of loneliness and boredom trigger the urge to do anything to avoid feeling that way. The reality is, many of us live in a state of chronic distraction from our experience. We forget what our intuition sounds like and when we get our calling, we are quick to send that same call to voicemail. In this age of ceaseless stimulation we need to get in the practice of quieting the noise, instead of drowning out the voices and the messages that we need to hear.

It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.

One of the hardest parts about learning how to be alone is embracing the fact that you will develop a greater tolerance for, and intimacy with, your experience. All aspects of your reality — the emotional, cognitive, deep-rooted, imaginative, and sensory experiences that make up who you are. That means facing our inner-most demons and unpacking the baggage we have shoved away over and over again.

Getting good at being alone with yourself is an open-door invitation to your own experience. It means showing up for yourself fully and completely. It’s about being present. The real truth behind the fear of being alone is that you’ll be stuck with someone you don’t like, in a place far less exciting than the rest of the world around us… but it’s hard to be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.

Someone once told me that you have two choices in life; let life happen to you or show up and make life happen for you. 10% of life is circumstance, the other 90% is how you react to it. There is a brief moment in-between those two things where taking the time to reflect inward and understand ourselves can really impact the course of the rest of our journey.

It’s time we invite ourselves in. Put out the welcome mat and dust off the place at the table we’ve been saving. It’s time we show up and ask the tough questions we resist, and embrace what’s in our heart.

What are you afraid of?

How are you responding to that fear?

Who are you saying you are?

Are you committing to being that person?

What’s your “North Star”?

Are you navigating your path using that guiding force?

Before you answer these questions, I want you to know that it is in your distress and unease with your own truth, that others have the ability to find comfort. When we understand who we are, where we want to go, and have the courage to share those vulnerabilities, others find the endurance to embrace their truth as well. But maybe you don’t have the answers just yet. That’s okay too. It takes a long time to build a relationship with ourselves and we are all on our own journey.

There is power in naming our battles, stressors, victories, and strengths. I think it’s important on this earth that we address ourselves and learn how to find peace in the silence, but if we keep those things locked away, we are doing the rest of the world a genuine disservice. We were put here to serve a purpose and you never know how impactful your story can be to someone else. Regardless of where you think you are or how well you know yourself, own who you are. Love that person. Learn everything you can about that person. Embrace yourself, every bit of it.

2 Corinthians 1:4-5

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