More than Meg

5 Reminders For When You Feel Like You’re Not Enough

Let’s get this out of the way, the phrase “I’m not good enough” is a lie.

Let me tell you from the bottom of my heart if this is how you feel, my heart aches for you because I have been there… and sometimes I still feel that way. I understand how easy it is to subconsciously start to believe this lie and I understand how easy it is to accept as your truth. That doesn’t make it any less of a false statement.

Our motivations, achievements, insecurities, and fears often attach themselves to this notion of being ‘enough’. In a world where we are in need of constant approval to determine our self-worth, it’s almost a part of the normalized equation. We grasp on to external, socially defined goals (whatever that may be for you) and tell ourselves that when we reach “X”, “I’ll be enough”. We pursue a goal with no other reason but to achieve something. That’s the transaction we are taught to believe. But, as I think you know, that feeling of fulfillment (the enough-ness) never comes. The goal is set, you reach said goal, move on to the next one. The bar moves. Constantly.

Maybe you got the job you’ve always wanted, you passed the exam, you went on your dream vacation, you made it to the explore page on Instagram, you finally got that guy’s attention, you found stability in a great group of friends…but it’s still not enough. The fact is, you’ve worked hard to get where you are, everything is going right, you should feel like it’s enough. Yet, here we are telling ourselves, “The only reason why it doesn’t feel right is because I’m not enough. That has to be it, right?”

Feel familiar?

So, if we are all experiencing this, why is it a problem? Besides the obvious fact that it feels pretty terrible to believe this about ourselves, believing “I’m not enough” is a problem because we end up unconsciously operating from this place. The good news? There is a way out, and it starts with these simple reminders followed by small actions that eventually add up to improved self-worth and the awareness that, yes…YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Giving your all doesn’t mean you have to do it all.

You’re allowed to pace yourself. The guilt and stress you place on yourself are going to do more damage than saying “no” or “not right now” ever will. If you are constantly measuring yourself up to a standard you or someone else has set, you will constantly be chasing happiness without ever fully being satisfied.

Try setting reasonable boundaries for your work, social, or health related obligations and appreciate the things you have accomplished, however small they may be.

Every day may not be good but there is good in every day.

Even though your life is overwhelming right now, it is still just as beautiful and accomplished as your most perfect days. You don’t have to be “on” all the time. In fact, you shouldn’t be! Sometimes we need to experience the “lows” to appreciate the “highs”. Some of the best moments are made apparent to us when we experience painful or hard seasons.

Try writing down little moments you experience on a note in your phone or in the margins in your planner when they happen. Check in with it at the end of the day, or even the end of the week, and remind yourself that even on the most mundane or stressful days, there is still good.

Everyone won’t see the value in what you create, that doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful.

Your successes are yours to define. Not everyone is going to think the same way you do, it’s just a fact of life. You will find that some of the accomplishments you feel proud of don’t get the same reaction from others, and that can be a real downer (if you let it be). If you are proud of something you have done, created, thought, said, realized, whatever it is… BE PROUD. Shout it from the mountain tops! It’s not what others think that give those things meanings, you do.

Try to honor yourself by showing your boldness to others. Don’t ask for feedback, or even expect it, just put it out there. Whether it is something artistic, a thought, an idea, or new found talent, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and be proud of who you are and what you have done. Some people can get intimidated by the fearlessness and vulnerability of others, don’t let that stop you.

Your best is enough.

Your value is not attached to what you accomplish. You are doing the best you can with what you have been given and that is something to be extremely proud of. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, if today you have given your all and you’ve taken a step forward, that is enough. You are enough.

Try writing yourself a love letter. Yes, you read that right. List out the things you admire about who you are aside from any merit-based accolade you’ve been given. Need help? Ask a friend you can confide in, maybe you can both do this with each other and help someone else notice how much they truly are valued too.

You belong here just as much as anyone else.

Read that again.

…and again.

…okay just one more time.

Rinse and repeat.

If no one has told you recently, let me just chime in to your life for a second and truly tell you, you are so incredibly important. You belong in this world and you were created to do wonderful things that only you are capable of. Your place in this world is right where you are. Yeah, right there, where you are right this very second. There is a reason you are here. Even if you don’t see it right now, you’re still allowed to take up space

Try taking up space. Be unapologetically yourself. Clichés aside, if you ever feel like the people, environments, or objects around you are making you feel small or “less-than”, it’s time to cut that out of your life and move into a space where you can root down and grow. Think, hermit crabs…. yeah, I went there. As a hermit crab grows, it’s forced to find a new shell. During that transition the crab is particularly vulnerable, but it is necessary for it to continue on with life. We aren’t much different. As we grow, we are also forced to change. Each season of transition comes with its own challenges and might leave us feeling especially vulnerable (which is when we tend to sink into the background), but I challenge you to keep taking up space. YOU BELONG.

Your Past, Defined.

past (adj) gone by in time and no longer existing.

It a bittersweet reality, that each one of us have a past. Whether that be good, bad, traumatic, blessed, complicated, or otherwise, we each have one.

Some of us are ashamed of our past, some of us want to bury it, black it out, forget it ever happened — it’s simply too heavy to cary under the weight of our obligations, pressures, and stressors in our current reality.

On the other hand, some of us cling to our past, put it on a pedestal — it’s the unachievable, nostalgia we long to have back.

Somewhere down the line, we stop assessing our past by what happened to how it happened to us. As if we have no active role in the equation anymore.

The question turns from an introspective, “how do I define my past?”, into an external facing, “how does my past define me?”.

When do we let the things that happen to us start defining who we are rather than taking ownership and control of the perspective?

Want to know a secret? Lean in close…there are a few things you need to know.

Your past does not define you.

That regret, shame, disappointment, or pride that shadows your memories, is not who you are. Sure, you walked that road and experienced first hand the moments and circumstances more intimately than anyone else on this earth, but in this current moment — right now — you have a choice. You can hold on to the past or use the experiences as lessons for personal growth.

Hold on to it and you are stuck recalling negative memories, without learning from them.

OR

Lean in to it and gain perspective that shapes your character and is reflected in the person you are becoming.

Your past does not need justification.

You are the only one that will have experienced your truth.

Your first hand account of what happened, or what you felt from your perspective, is yours — no justification necessary.

I find myself getting defensive over things that have hurt me or that I am invested in, emotionally or otherwise. I think this comes up a lot when we look back on our past and, more specifically, when we own our past.

Although the outside world can’t see it, the moments we have let define a spot in our lives carry weight and tremendous value in some way. Quite frankly, others may never understand the impact or meaning it had and could be quick to assess it without knowing the full picture or context, but that doesn’t mean we need to guard it with our lives and defend it through excuses, leveling, or justification.

Thinking you have to provide justification for your first-hand experiences is living in fear or letting your past define you, fear of judgement. In reality, the past you carry with you doesn’t need justification. If you feel like you need to justify it to others, you may have to take a good look at who you are surrounding yourself by. The people who you choose to share your life with should be the same people who accept you for who you are fully and completely, in the present moment, in what’s to come, and for everything that you’ve been through before now.

Your past is the past, treat it as such.

Don’t beat a dead horse. Truly. I think this cliché applies here, don’t you?

We can get so hung up on things that have happened to us. I know for me, I will be out and about, going on with my day and suddenly a memory from 5 years ago pops into my head. Suddenly, mu thoughts are consumed with “what if” questions and a detailed analysis of everything, looking for an alternate solution or something I could have done differently.

Hello, over-thinkers anonymous, I would personally like to introduce myself. — Hi, I’m Megan.

*collective response* : “Hi Megan.”

You don’t even need to be an over thinker to have this experience. So many of us carry the past into the present. We let it hold us back or tie us down to what we knew, rather than exploring and growing into who we are becoming.

The past serves a purpose, but at some point we must let that purpose be the past, go to where we are being called, and be where we are now.

It’s okay to let go. It’s okay to feel pain, anxiety, bittersweet, joy or happiness when letting go. Let the past be the past, be present in that decision.

Now be present in your life.

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